this year's Love

here's my belated online confession (intimate friends, i know this is old news): i fell in love this year (well, 2007). in the span of about 6 weeks this summer, i became very serious with a guy that i thought i might one day marry. (i know, i know. i am a naive romantic.)

then he left the country to continue his advanced studies in medicine--a place so far away and so expensive to call that all that remained was the occasional 5 minute phone conversation or 3 line email. needless to say, this placed a huge strain on what had been an intense emotional relationship. and thanks to the limitations of my second language, i may have inadvertantly completely ended it 2 weeks ago expressing my frustrations with his lack of communication.

i don't actually know how all of this will turn out, but it connects with the new year in this way: in an evening porch conversation with some nica sisters on january 1st, one of them asked about my goals for 2008. and the first thing that came to my mind was a verse in the book of revelation where it says, "you have forgotten your first love". and so i shared openly with them that indeed, this past year marked a sharp decline in the intimacy i sought/felt/desired for the Living God--and that i looked to many different substitutes--perhaps even this man i fell head over heels for--to fill the resulting void.

so, in 2008 i want to rediscover that love, that passion i once felt to know Christ before all things. the trouble is, i fear i have fallen so far that i scarcely know where to begin...but i know i need my Savior in these coming days, in this coming year as much or more than ever.

and i can only pray for the strength to WANT to want to seek His face again.